Illogical

Don't you find it perplexing that none of my blogs really explicitly describe my life?
Everything is often vague, and hinting. However, somehow I consider this blog an online diary, of my life. One that can be accessed by anyone who may arbitrarily stumble into my realm of virtual fixation (harmless addiction)--merely cyberspace, to someday be deleted and therefore extinguished, as if it never was. This lacking permanence and public necessity has convinced me the best personal experiences are written in books. And not in cyberspace. (FYI: I spent months removing my xanga account, and my name and that account still pop up on Google.)

Nothing is desperately escaping my mind to type. I just need to draw, scribble. Listen at open mics, and continue my activism. My environmental participation has yet to reach the level where I do not feel the need to blog any of it.

I'm a lover of literature, so you would think I'd wanna write. There will come a time.
That time is not now. Hibernating. In my little green pea-coat (spellcheck corrected me...), intermediate locks, and herbal addicted mainframe. I am the girl laying in the grass staring up at infinite skies, the lover of social interaction from a distance, the visionary of holistic necessity, and the keeper of your secrets.

It's all in a day's work.
And whisperer of prayers. Can't forget that.

Responsible

When I wake up each day I don't think of you any less than the last.You have left the greatest imprints and it weighs on my core like an anchored ship.I cannot lift this. I presume time will provide me with all answers, and meanwhile I press forth without regrets. For I know my feelings are true, they will not go. Some people come in your life, and leave nothing behind, and some people practically leave a piece of themselves. I wish I could run after you and give some of this back. Done forcing myself into people's lives.
Let them come. Because they remain welcome with open arms.
In my dreams, my internal workings are still purging.
I don't know if I could ever want another man. Only Jah could answer that.
For me, relationships have procured a deep thorn, that once pulled causes so much blood to spout forth that only one surgeon could alleviate.
My life does not revolve around my heart, as I continue to love others I internally question will they eventually get to close or ask too much?
These are things I do not wish to answer.
For now, the silent days will whisper healing words that when I listen closely,
I feel at peace.

Hungry Remix from Bent is so the most serene melody I've heard in my life.

I run to you. You inspire me to the red of my core.
As I laugh and clutch the dandelion, I close my eyes feeling the sun’s rays wash over my
Coppertone exterior. I am ready for you and all of your warmth.
My body has never felt so in tune with my spirit.
I bite into a smooth spongy sweet substance placed before me.
Blueberries.
Each moment is more precious than the one before it.
You sprinkle cool water down on me as I run for cover, I stop, realizing this is your gift.
No one is here but me and you. And this beautiful earth of course.
I couldn’t imagine life without you here.
Please, always be here. With me.