2:22 AM

That's what time it is.
I read 4 of my last entries...watching the gaps betwixt and between.
I really do love myself and my friends.
Growing up is a gradual, but a necessary adaptation.
I'm smiling inside regardless of how often I see my friends, I know I have them,
and they, me.
I'm smiling outside regardless of whether I mesh into what society or my
biological family or socio-stereotypes tell me. I love being black, being intelligent,
building independence, strength, peace of mind, education, and real love all around me.

I'm single, and only giving myself to someone who wants to give me as much as
I want to give them--which is a lot. I am in pursuit of going to Italy, keeping my grades above 3.0 (lmfao never thought I'd say that), a bike, financial stability, and healthy mental physical and spiritual progression.
I've met the right people to put on the road to my dreams. Just keep pushing.
Forever loving Jah, Lord, Allah, Yahweh, I am--I always reflect on the grandeur
that is life and know someone much greater is looking out for all of us.

Don't care if I sound crazy. :)

Je t'aime. Be well. Stay beautiful. Peace be upon us.
-L.K.

Finite Tears

The heavy thumping is done.
I could be hurting so bad, but I don't wanna hurt no more.
Don't wanna fuck with that part of me anymore.
It's weird trying to grab at thin air, so I stopped.
With the juxtaposition of your vague disposition and passionate moments to think back to, I see the only way to win my heart is to make me trust you all the way--not so fast. I couldn't even know how much I was holding back (until now), but disappointment gets old after a while. Think my heart is in a cocoon, or coma.
She says she loves you. But she ain't in love with you. You're unreliable, a heartthrob, a sinner, a sweet talker. That's fine, cause she ain't perfect. But she's no fool. And on the inside I'm sure her soul cries at night. Her blank face is tired. But when she dreams she knows just the way she likes it. Pure. Free of indiscrepancy. Finite tears exist under the circumstance. She's got peace that transcends deeper than where all aching (bullshit) can reach. In her last kiss she says she's simply letting go. Master jester watch the crepuscular memories crumble in her hands.

A continued work in progress

*deep sigh*
It seems I never have enough time to rant anymore.
It has to be scheduled in between my delectable pancake, sausage, and fruit salad breakfast.
Which may indeed reduce breakfast to pancakes and fruit salad....
O how I love meat. Heh heh.

Read a couple entries back. It's always funny to reflect.
But really, I am changing. Relaxing. Developing a confidence I didn't think would ever exist. As I stride down the streets by myself or with friends I recognize my ability to create impressions, to be beautiful, to walk into another's life. I'm creating new friendships. New ventures. I'm okay with the new found relationship too...

Yeah, a couple months ago there was no one in mind, except I said I could see myself talking to a black guy, but not a poser wanna-be skater boy who's "hood" with no concept of what skating is. Probably someone who's got charisma, intelligence, and is going somewhere. Just maybe the power of thought is more powerful than anything, because sure enough he found his way to me...

This summer I want to accomplish a hell of a lot. In no particular order.
1. TO SWIM--knowing how.
2. ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE DEVELOPMENT--next college, involvement in organizations, networking with environmentalists
3. THE SMOKERY--work, internships, learning culinary techniques
4. RELATIONSHIPS--building my friendships up, my love life, my whole network of people actually...
5. YOGA!!!--wanna do it....stay limber.
6.PAINT--my room...I need to draw a design. Right now I have ideas...I just need a friend who can really help me execute them...
7. EXPERIMENT--New foods, new places on adventures, new people. Nouveau new.
8. SPEED READ--a book a month. Seriously.
9. PARKOURRRRRRRR XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD--practice. climb. jump. fall safetly. basics.

Thatt's about all for now. I must depart and get ready for work.
It helps to plan out what you want. You are more likely to achieve it. Or at least, it works for me.

Reoccuring R.E.M.

My dreams are floating just above me.
As I lift my shirt over my head to expose the me no one sees I reflect back.
Rewinding time. Remembering when this skin was younger, less experienced.
Tilting my head sideways I stare into the oak wood framed-- hallway mirror.
The time continuum ripple effect occurs in my mind.

I’m seeing a girl much younger now. Smiling.
Clutching her innocence ever so tightly, like a child clinging to her favorite teddy bear.
Skin so tender. Eyes so eager. Bubbly. Beaming. Brimming to overflowing with youth.
The ripple fades.
Who am I becoming?
It is a mystery to even the young woman growing before my eyes.

I shut my visions off for fear of them escaping..
Holding the younger me inside.
I won’t let your dreams go down the drain.
Even as life presses on.

God help us all.

Save Energy

Life is but a dream.

These past few months seemed to have passed like a blur.
But a lot has happened.
Can't wait to go back and read old entries.

But let's not distract from the purpose of this entry.

I've never felt so like I was drowning until yesterday.
Can't relive the same mistakes.
I did something yesterday that can't be reversed.
But--
My heart has never ached so much over anyone like lately.
I want to move forward and go at it alone.
Words of a wise friend taken from a common cliche, "Sometimes you have to let something/one you love go, and it they come back then it was meant to be."

I'm sorry for being so young.
I'm sorry for not being as understanding as I should have.
You deserve better.
One day maybe we can be that for each other.

Sometimes your best bet is to be alone.
Because apparently my sould quest is not done yet.
Stop racing to the future...
When the present is exactly what makes us who we are.

I miss you. I love you. And I'm glad I'm far away, so I can't worry you.
Someday maybe I can treat those I love as they should be...
Until that day...
*hugs self*

I think I'll just work on catching up with friends.
As LSD says, "Romance is overrated."

Lol no one said anything about love.
Call again.
<3 Je t'aime. Ai shiteru. Te amo. I love you.

Trial and Error.

Some might think I'm crazy...
Slightly true.
More like commonly misunderstood.
--
Disconnect.
My heart is...really too much for my body.
The inner complexities I sometimes experience--i.e. yesterday to me is even mind baffling.
And yet somehow I expect you to understand me.

Because you are my friend. And friends should be able to...right?
I think I need more air.
When I start getting flustered I search for an escape--a window to the outside.
So my everything can breathe freely.

No, I haven't meditated lately. And I should.
So my soul can breathe as it should.
This disconnect is scaring me.
And my friends too I think.

But what scares me the most is when I feel you slipping away.
Life will do as it pleases.
Will this road carry you with me? Or the currents take you away?

I know...this sounds deep.
But that's how I roll.
Legit.