When I wake up each day I don't think of you any less than the last.You have left the greatest imprints and it weighs on my core like an anchored ship.I cannot lift this. I presume time will provide me with all answers, and meanwhile I press forth without regrets. For I know my feelings are true, they will not go. Some people come in your life, and leave nothing behind, and some people practically leave a piece of themselves. I wish I could run after you and give some of this back. Done forcing myself into people's lives.
Let them come. Because they remain welcome with open arms.
In my dreams, my internal workings are still purging.
I don't know if I could ever want another man. Only Jah could answer that.
For me, relationships have procured a deep thorn, that once pulled causes so much blood to spout forth that only one surgeon could alleviate.
My life does not revolve around my heart, as I continue to love others I internally question will they eventually get to close or ask too much?
These are things I do not wish to answer.
For now, the silent days will whisper healing words that when I listen closely,
I feel at peace.
14.11.09
9.11.09
Hungry Remix from Bent is so the most serene melody I've heard in my life.
I run to you. You inspire me to the red of my core.
As I laugh and clutch the dandelion, I close my eyes feeling the sun’s rays wash over my
Coppertone exterior. I am ready for you and all of your warmth.
My body has never felt so in tune with my spirit.
I bite into a smooth spongy sweet substance placed before me.
Blueberries.
Each moment is more precious than the one before it.
You sprinkle cool water down on me as I run for cover, I stop, realizing this is your gift.
No one is here but me and you. And this beautiful earth of course.
I couldn’t imagine life without you here.
Please, always be here. With me.
26.10.09
Out of harmony
Rejection, the affliction.
A disease, my depiction
Of life around the majority
Masses, Jurassic.
Can you just accept that I am only but so elastic?
Never been plastic.
Just knowing what is essential, surrounding
Me.
I fight for nothing more than your support, our freedoms
Free--
Is not as simple as our idolatries.
Touch, me as I out stretch my hand to thee, finally exposing --
All of my flaws and idiosyncrasy…
I crumple inside,
Just like them you too expect something, like porcelain.
I am no more perfect than I have ever been.
But now it seems I am untouchable.
An eruption of pain bursts from my lungs
Asking Jah why must I seek such a man
I expect nothing more than a thank you and perhaps understanding
Infinitely intertwined,
It is at last your turn to do the collapsing.
A disease, my depiction
Of life around the majority
Masses, Jurassic.
Can you just accept that I am only but so elastic?
Never been plastic.
Just knowing what is essential, surrounding
Me.
I fight for nothing more than your support, our freedoms
Free--
Is not as simple as our idolatries.
Touch, me as I out stretch my hand to thee, finally exposing --
All of my flaws and idiosyncrasy…
I crumple inside,
Just like them you too expect something, like porcelain.
I am no more perfect than I have ever been.
But now it seems I am untouchable.
An eruption of pain bursts from my lungs
Asking Jah why must I seek such a man
I expect nothing more than a thank you and perhaps understanding
Infinitely intertwined,
It is at last your turn to do the collapsing.
12.10.09
As usual, homework
As Mas and I sat in the car yesterday, he reminded me of how much I used to write and the power of verbal expression.
Here goes something.
This connection is beyond resurrection
I don't rhyme so don't be fooled, forthat's a misconception.
My best words neither rhyme nor show regression.
They are violitile, erratic, silly, and defy, it's a preference.
So learn the lesson, I have need for depth perception
I am quite beyond your average, your exception, no question.
I missed being in close quarters with you for so long, when I was back in your arms
I only longed to be on my way again.
I must ask Jehovah is there something wrong with me?
It feels like permanence is not in the cards at this moment.
I love you. I love you. I just want to be on my own.
But would you love me if you knew everything about me?
Because in my humble opinion you know nothing.
It is a 10% that I feel is grasped at our stage, and yet still somehow I managed
to give you the deepest part of me. For that, I feel the pang of retribution.
A justice waiting to surface.
Do you feel like I know anything about you?
I feel I have an idea. I see you and then you are gone tommorow.
We live very seperate lives, practically different realms, on opposite
sides of the glass. We steal away fragments in time together,
only to undo what we've redone.
I feel I could stay with you forever, my soul is snatched away again.
Love should not be pressured like this.
Free to be with or without. But for now, I want you to know
I can't stay. I can't lie. Love is patient.
I can wait. Finally.
Here goes something.
This connection is beyond resurrection
I don't rhyme so don't be fooled, forthat's a misconception.
My best words neither rhyme nor show regression.
They are violitile, erratic, silly, and defy, it's a preference.
So learn the lesson, I have need for depth perception
I am quite beyond your average, your exception, no question.
I missed being in close quarters with you for so long, when I was back in your arms
I only longed to be on my way again.
I must ask Jehovah is there something wrong with me?
It feels like permanence is not in the cards at this moment.
I love you. I love you. I just want to be on my own.
But would you love me if you knew everything about me?
Because in my humble opinion you know nothing.
It is a 10% that I feel is grasped at our stage, and yet still somehow I managed
to give you the deepest part of me. For that, I feel the pang of retribution.
A justice waiting to surface.
Do you feel like I know anything about you?
I feel I have an idea. I see you and then you are gone tommorow.
We live very seperate lives, practically different realms, on opposite
sides of the glass. We steal away fragments in time together,
only to undo what we've redone.
I feel I could stay with you forever, my soul is snatched away again.
Love should not be pressured like this.
Free to be with or without. But for now, I want you to know
I can't stay. I can't lie. Love is patient.
I can wait. Finally.
16.9.09
2:22 AM
That's what time it is.
I read 4 of my last entries...watching the gaps betwixt and between.
I really do love myself and my friends.
Growing up is a gradual, but a necessary adaptation.
I'm smiling inside regardless of how often I see my friends, I know I have them,
and they, me.
I'm smiling outside regardless of whether I mesh into what society or my
biological family or socio-stereotypes tell me. I love being black, being intelligent,
building independence, strength, peace of mind, education, and real love all around me.
I'm single, and only giving myself to someone who wants to give me as much as
I want to give them--which is a lot. I am in pursuit of going to Italy, keeping my grades above 3.0 (lmfao never thought I'd say that), a bike, financial stability, and healthy mental physical and spiritual progression.
I've met the right people to put on the road to my dreams. Just keep pushing.
Forever loving Jah, Lord, Allah, Yahweh, I am--I always reflect on the grandeur
that is life and know someone much greater is looking out for all of us.
Don't care if I sound crazy. :)
Je t'aime. Be well. Stay beautiful. Peace be upon us.
-L.K.
I read 4 of my last entries...watching the gaps betwixt and between.
I really do love myself and my friends.
Growing up is a gradual, but a necessary adaptation.
I'm smiling inside regardless of how often I see my friends, I know I have them,
and they, me.
I'm smiling outside regardless of whether I mesh into what society or my
biological family or socio-stereotypes tell me. I love being black, being intelligent,
building independence, strength, peace of mind, education, and real love all around me.
I'm single, and only giving myself to someone who wants to give me as much as
I want to give them--which is a lot. I am in pursuit of going to Italy, keeping my grades above 3.0 (lmfao never thought I'd say that), a bike, financial stability, and healthy mental physical and spiritual progression.
I've met the right people to put on the road to my dreams. Just keep pushing.
Forever loving Jah, Lord, Allah, Yahweh, I am--I always reflect on the grandeur
that is life and know someone much greater is looking out for all of us.
Don't care if I sound crazy. :)
Je t'aime. Be well. Stay beautiful. Peace be upon us.
-L.K.
9.6.09
Finite Tears
The heavy thumping is done.
I could be hurting so bad, but I don't wanna hurt no more.
Don't wanna fuck with that part of me anymore.
It's weird trying to grab at thin air, so I stopped.
With the juxtaposition of your vague disposition and passionate moments to think back to, I see the only way to win my heart is to make me trust you all the way--not so fast. I couldn't even know how much I was holding back (until now), but disappointment gets old after a while. Think my heart is in a cocoon, or coma.
She says she loves you. But she ain't in love with you. You're unreliable, a heartthrob, a sinner, a sweet talker. That's fine, cause she ain't perfect. But she's no fool. And on the inside I'm sure her soul cries at night. Her blank face is tired. But when she dreams she knows just the way she likes it. Pure. Free of indiscrepancy. Finite tears exist under the circumstance. She's got peace that transcends deeper than where all aching (bullshit) can reach. In her last kiss she says she's simply letting go. Master jester watch the crepuscular memories crumble in her hands.
I could be hurting so bad, but I don't wanna hurt no more.
Don't wanna fuck with that part of me anymore.
It's weird trying to grab at thin air, so I stopped.
With the juxtaposition of your vague disposition and passionate moments to think back to, I see the only way to win my heart is to make me trust you all the way--not so fast. I couldn't even know how much I was holding back (until now), but disappointment gets old after a while. Think my heart is in a cocoon, or coma.
She says she loves you. But she ain't in love with you. You're unreliable, a heartthrob, a sinner, a sweet talker. That's fine, cause she ain't perfect. But she's no fool. And on the inside I'm sure her soul cries at night. Her blank face is tired. But when she dreams she knows just the way she likes it. Pure. Free of indiscrepancy. Finite tears exist under the circumstance. She's got peace that transcends deeper than where all aching (bullshit) can reach. In her last kiss she says she's simply letting go. Master jester watch the crepuscular memories crumble in her hands.
3.6.09
A continued work in progress
*deep sigh*
It seems I never have enough time to rant anymore.
It has to be scheduled in between my delectable pancake, sausage, and fruit salad breakfast.
Which may indeed reduce breakfast to pancakes and fruit salad....
O how I love meat. Heh heh.
Read a couple entries back. It's always funny to reflect.
But really, I am changing. Relaxing. Developing a confidence I didn't think would ever exist. As I stride down the streets by myself or with friends I recognize my ability to create impressions, to be beautiful, to walk into another's life. I'm creating new friendships. New ventures. I'm okay with the new found relationship too...
Yeah, a couple months ago there was no one in mind, except I said I could see myself talking to a black guy, but not a poser wanna-be skater boy who's "hood" with no concept of what skating is. Probably someone who's got charisma, intelligence, and is going somewhere. Just maybe the power of thought is more powerful than anything, because sure enough he found his way to me...
This summer I want to accomplish a hell of a lot. In no particular order.
1. TO SWIM--knowing how.
2. ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE DEVELOPMENT--next college, involvement in organizations, networking with environmentalists
3. THE SMOKERY--work, internships, learning culinary techniques
4. RELATIONSHIPS--building my friendships up, my love life, my whole network of people actually...
5. YOGA!!!--wanna do it....stay limber.
6.PAINT--my room...I need to draw a design. Right now I have ideas...I just need a friend who can really help me execute them...
7. EXPERIMENT--New foods, new places on adventures, new people. Nouveau new.
8. SPEED READ--a book a month. Seriously.
9. PARKOURRRRRRRR XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD--practice. climb. jump. fall safetly. basics.
Thatt's about all for now. I must depart and get ready for work.
It helps to plan out what you want. You are more likely to achieve it. Or at least, it works for me.
It seems I never have enough time to rant anymore.
It has to be scheduled in between my delectable pancake, sausage, and fruit salad breakfast.
Which may indeed reduce breakfast to pancakes and fruit salad....
O how I love meat. Heh heh.
Read a couple entries back. It's always funny to reflect.
But really, I am changing. Relaxing. Developing a confidence I didn't think would ever exist. As I stride down the streets by myself or with friends I recognize my ability to create impressions, to be beautiful, to walk into another's life. I'm creating new friendships. New ventures. I'm okay with the new found relationship too...
Yeah, a couple months ago there was no one in mind, except I said I could see myself talking to a black guy, but not a poser wanna-be skater boy who's "hood" with no concept of what skating is. Probably someone who's got charisma, intelligence, and is going somewhere. Just maybe the power of thought is more powerful than anything, because sure enough he found his way to me...
This summer I want to accomplish a hell of a lot. In no particular order.
1. TO SWIM--knowing how.
2. ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE DEVELOPMENT--next college, involvement in organizations, networking with environmentalists
3. THE SMOKERY--work, internships, learning culinary techniques
4. RELATIONSHIPS--building my friendships up, my love life, my whole network of people actually...
5. YOGA!!!--wanna do it....stay limber.
6.PAINT--my room...I need to draw a design. Right now I have ideas...I just need a friend who can really help me execute them...
7. EXPERIMENT--New foods, new places on adventures, new people. Nouveau new.
8. SPEED READ--a book a month. Seriously.
9. PARKOURRRRRRRR XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD--practice. climb. jump. fall safetly. basics.
Thatt's about all for now. I must depart and get ready for work.
It helps to plan out what you want. You are more likely to achieve it. Or at least, it works for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
