http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHtNFZ6K0pE
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=RFID+chip&search_type=&aq=f
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlcPWa6SomE
This is too much.
But I can't continue to ignore it.
11.10.08
7.10.08
Blog needed.
Today in my mind was at a breaking point. A poignant moment if you will.
I've exhausted much of my childhood with my parents. And I feel that. I feel the need to find my own way to places. The need to get a real job. The need to move out. The need to have mature conversations with them.
Today--my mother reminded me just how much.
Just by disrespecting me and a friend.
I realize that her and I have poor communication.
And that this may continue throughout most of my life.
I'm dissatisfied with my home relationships. Even FELiX<3, color="#66ff99">Ready to make some changes.
Life is supposed to be spent enjoying the little things. Spending time with those you love.
Doing for others. Smiling. Laughing. Meditating on principles. Growing physically, mentally, spiritually, metaphysically.
Right now the level of disrespect sticks out obtrusively in my mind. Like a sore, scab, rash or something.
Need a good time.
Wanna lay in the grass. Make out. Dance in close to nothing. Be away.
10 things I NEED to be thankful for.
1. My family, even when they make it hard on me.
2. My friends :DDDD
3. Prayer
4. Meditation
5. The fact that I currently have somewhere to come home to. Some peace of mind.
6. Cooking great food. It gets me off. I swear.
7. Love making. Stress release. Mucho.
8. The fact that I can see the beauty in this world everywhere.
9. That I'm alive. I can make great change. Opportunity is around every corner.
10. Love. And those that love us. It's essential to my sanity. I swear.
I've exhausted much of my childhood with my parents. And I feel that. I feel the need to find my own way to places. The need to get a real job. The need to move out. The need to have mature conversations with them.
Today--my mother reminded me just how much.
Just by disrespecting me and a friend.
I realize that her and I have poor communication.
And that this may continue throughout most of my life.
I'm dissatisfied with my home relationships. Even FELiX<3, color="#66ff99">Ready to make some changes.
Life is supposed to be spent enjoying the little things. Spending time with those you love.
Doing for others. Smiling. Laughing. Meditating on principles. Growing physically, mentally, spiritually, metaphysically.
Right now the level of disrespect sticks out obtrusively in my mind. Like a sore, scab, rash or something.
Need a good time.
Wanna lay in the grass. Make out. Dance in close to nothing. Be away.
10 things I NEED to be thankful for.
1. My family, even when they make it hard on me.
2. My friends :DDDD
3. Prayer
4. Meditation
5. The fact that I currently have somewhere to come home to. Some peace of mind.
6. Cooking great food. It gets me off. I swear.
7. Love making. Stress release. Mucho.
8. The fact that I can see the beauty in this world everywhere.
9. That I'm alive. I can make great change. Opportunity is around every corner.
10. Love. And those that love us. It's essential to my sanity. I swear.
2.10.08
Sit back. Relax. Enjoy.
--Let me show you what I have to offer.
My love is profoundly deep.
And I will be your defender when NO ONE else cares.
I will hold you when you just want me close.
I will kiss you even through your tears.
And be there for you year after year...--
I've been told I'm introverted.
Introvert=a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings.
Maybe that's the truth because I refuse to engage in these random sharing conversations with everyone lately. Just close friends. And who cares about chatting mindlessly about the tv show you saw yesterday? I don't. Because I don't engage doesn't mean I don't care. It just means, what you're saying has no point, thusly, why should I acknowledge the statement?
Have you realized I only choose to speak when necessary?
When a thought is piercing through me like a bright light illuminating the corners of a dark room I'll share mine.
My life is MINE. Therefore, I don't expect you to care to hear every waking moment of my life.
Sometimes I don't know what people expect from me. Mindless gossip isn't my forte, or interest.
Womp the **** womp.
My love is profoundly deep.
And I will be your defender when NO ONE else cares.
I will hold you when you just want me close.
I will kiss you even through your tears.
And be there for you year after year...--
I've been told I'm introverted.
Introvert=a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings.
Maybe that's the truth because I refuse to engage in these random sharing conversations with everyone lately. Just close friends. And who cares about chatting mindlessly about the tv show you saw yesterday? I don't. Because I don't engage doesn't mean I don't care. It just means, what you're saying has no point, thusly, why should I acknowledge the statement?
Have you realized I only choose to speak when necessary?
When a thought is piercing through me like a bright light illuminating the corners of a dark room I'll share mine.
My life is MINE. Therefore, I don't expect you to care to hear every waking moment of my life.
Sometimes I don't know what people expect from me. Mindless gossip isn't my forte, or interest.
Womp the **** womp.
29.9.08
Rewind. Reflect. Re-evaluate.
[12:50 AM edits]
-->"Bulldoze the life out of me."
Download The Moment I Said It by Imogen Heap.
You won't regret it.
That's my life. In a nut shell.
WTF is my problem?
I just want nothing.
I ask for solace and simplicity.
Where did I go wrong?
...*sigh*...
"I promise it'll all seem better somehow in time."
I'm listening to it as I type this.
He came tonight...and I want to cry. But...
How?
Stop being sorry for yourself. I'm not.
Do your homework.
Lol. "I'm losing you. Trust me on this one."
-------
Orignal Entry begins here.
Questions race through my thoughts...
About life.
About values.
About what's really essential to our happiness.
Society needs boundaries.
I need freedom.
Watching Jumper reminded me the limits to freedom.
If I could jump would I be in school?
Would I have my friends?
would I hide it?
Is life really just one big question mark?
Are my relationships (God, friends & fam, classmates, authority figures) healthy?
How do we reach euphoria?
How do we humble ourselves?
How do we recognize faults?
How biased am I?
Do I want to be with these people? REALLY?
Are you denying the truth? Are you weak?
Clarity. I'm not emotional.
I'm distantly dreaming. Reaching.
It feels like The Stranger and his need for existentialism...
Don't get me wrong I believe in karma and God and fate.
Just floating on this cloud...feeling people drift in and out of my life.
I desire solidity. I want people who will really be there.
But what....if....they....get hurt? die? move away?
Wake up to reality Lystra.
The war is not over.
I'm battling within myself.
Seeking solace and answers.
I don't even fucking trust writing all my truths on the godforsaken website.
Google.
lmfao.
-->"Bulldoze the life out of me."
Download The Moment I Said It by Imogen Heap.
You won't regret it.
That's my life. In a nut shell.
WTF is my problem?
I just want nothing.
I ask for solace and simplicity.
Where did I go wrong?
...*sigh*...
"I promise it'll all seem better somehow in time."
I'm listening to it as I type this.
He came tonight...and I want to cry. But...
How?
Stop being sorry for yourself. I'm not.
Do your homework.
Lol. "I'm losing you. Trust me on this one."
-------
Orignal Entry begins here.
Questions race through my thoughts...
About life.
About values.
About what's really essential to our happiness.
Society needs boundaries.
I need freedom.
Watching Jumper reminded me the limits to freedom.
If I could jump would I be in school?
Would I have my friends?
would I hide it?
Is life really just one big question mark?
Are my relationships (God, friends & fam, classmates, authority figures) healthy?
How do we reach euphoria?
How do we humble ourselves?
How do we recognize faults?
How biased am I?
Do I want to be with these people? REALLY?
Are you denying the truth? Are you weak?
Clarity. I'm not emotional.
I'm distantly dreaming. Reaching.
It feels like The Stranger and his need for existentialism...
Don't get me wrong I believe in karma and God and fate.
Just floating on this cloud...feeling people drift in and out of my life.
I desire solidity. I want people who will really be there.
But what....if....they....get hurt? die? move away?
Wake up to reality Lystra.
The war is not over.
I'm battling within myself.
Seeking solace and answers.
I don't even fucking trust writing all my truths on the godforsaken website.
Google.
lmfao.
21.9.08
Art is in my name.
Lystra spelled backwards equals Artsyl.
And I am beginning to realize just how overindulgent I can be.
Music. Food. Love. Sex. Art, although music is...I separate.
This week has yet again opened my eyes.
And sex is beautiful. Fuck what they say.
I'm savoring every moment of my life. Holding on to those I love.
I wish I could spend so much more time with them.
That's an African tree froggie thinger.
So cool. Would never touch em but heyyy.
Thinking about double majoring.
Or Hospitality Management as my major and Environmental Science as my minor.
I love the earth too damn much to watch people destroy it.
Just wanna taser some b*tches, see how they like it.
Staring blankly at my homework. It's 10 o'clock and I'm ignoring it.
Tomorrow I have two tests. I wanna run away with you.
Kiss you all day. Dream big dreams. Explore the grand great gargantuan (lol alliteration) world.
I wanna love. F8ck them and what they have to say.
Life is good. Love is better.
Saving the rest for another day.
11.9.08
No time.
No time these days.
Everything has to be scheduled meticulously.
Is this the life I want to lead?
No. Not at all actually.
Just wanna get this license. Get a job. Save. Save. Save.
Drive away with friends. Make love, not war.
Cook lots. Get my own crib. Yes. I said crib.
Save the world from people. Because as a whole [factually] face it, we are ignorant.
I am for the first time seriously waking to the HARSH realities of life.
First the sugar coated veil vanished. Now the blinders have been removed. The peripheral vision is in full effect. This world is polluted so badly, it's hard to open your eyes.
Mines have been.
I'm sick with empathy. And disgust.
What happened to the simple moments of joy and relaxation?
Need more of those.
They seemed to die when school started.
Why do I want to be friends with you?
Am I still being foolish?
I think so.
But, broken relationships are exhausting me.
I feel alone.
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