I want.
I need.
Wake up. Slow down.
1. New location
2. Spiritual depth and development
3. Applying to scholarships
4. Applying to schools
4. New job
5. Travel to new lands
6. Be patient with myself. (Be patient with yourself.)
I am able to stay strong and allow my troubles to melt away.
I enjoy helping others and myself. I am open and receptive to all the good
and abundance I experience in Jah's universe. I am able to say what I need to say
and stand for what I believe. I have an amazing job and purpose in this life.
I love children. I eat well and stay healthy, and often make these dishes for others.
I am okay with that. I always have someone to share my experiences with. Those things remain constant in my life.
Selah.
23.12.09
Swim. Sink. Dive. Implode. Exhale.
Listening to Itoshi Hito.
Miyavi's voice is soothing somehow in this mix in my life.
Do you see the difficulty transitioning?
I really am moving out and on.
The crossroads are happening. A magnetic force pulls me in this direction.
Like Frost's poetry.
English is secretly one of my most cherished courses.
The framework is setting.
The clay is molding. I am being pushed, changed,
blended, and carefully set in all the right places.
This is the make of my future.
Somedays I feel lost. I pray.
I want to be strong. I really wish I felt more that way.
My shyness is being stripped, if not beaten out of me.
Childhood melted off of my exoskeletal, introverted mind.
Wipe away those tears. Step off the platform.
Dive. Don't twitch. No time to be afraid.
Execute or fail.
That's how I feel these days.
I typed this in the span of this song.
The acoustic guitar sings to my heart.
Miyavi's voice is soothing somehow in this mix in my life.
Do you see the difficulty transitioning?
I really am moving out and on.
The crossroads are happening. A magnetic force pulls me in this direction.
Like Frost's poetry.
English is secretly one of my most cherished courses.
The framework is setting.
The clay is molding. I am being pushed, changed,
blended, and carefully set in all the right places.
This is the make of my future.
Somedays I feel lost. I pray.
I want to be strong. I really wish I felt more that way.
My shyness is being stripped, if not beaten out of me.
Childhood melted off of my exoskeletal, introverted mind.
Wipe away those tears. Step off the platform.
Dive. Don't twitch. No time to be afraid.
Execute or fail.
That's how I feel these days.
I typed this in the span of this song.
The acoustic guitar sings to my heart.
9.12.09
Penetrating Silence
This is the loudest quiet We have endured.
I grab hold of myself, as I'm falling again.
Prayer is the only thing the sustains me.
I find love in all the right places.
My coeur, my core, my second self is just on the other side
of this invisible wall. I want to let you in.
I want...to pretend that you don't matter. It never works.
I clasp my hands bowing in my room, realizing the direction life is taking me.
Can you come with me? We seem to be going the same way...
But are we on the same plane?
The last time I held you, I thought that I'd had my fill.
But now I know that's pretty much impossible.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
But the funny part is I want nothing else.
She doesn't even miss me.
We are parting, and I am okay with that.
We are not inseparable, but I was once her rock,
and she was my soft place to fall.
But I am still strong. Holding on to what seems to
be thin air, so thin that if I do not escape,
I will as many others die from lack of oxygen.
Freedom is the air is my lungs.
Carbon dioxide is natural until dominant.
She is the overbearing weight in the pit of my stomach.
I grab at my elastic skin tightly.
Hoping to rip out the part where I swallowed her whole.
She was my sister I never had.
Yet I love her still.
I must go.
Is there any room for me here?
I know there's just one seat left in the back of
this bus. I sat quietly next to you.
Watching your almond eyes flicker with the patches of sunlight
peering in from just beyond the reinforced glass windows.
I can't help myself. It's obvious how necessary you are to me.
I laugh at myself. "I'm doing it again." I chuckle. I guffaw.
I erupt. You notice me. I want to disappear now.
Just relive the moment where our eyes locked in that brief
exchange of fates. I cling to hope. You flee from love. Including
mines. Am I not worth your time?
You return to the same seat near the reinforced windows next to me the next day.
You smile at me. I melt.
I grab hold of myself, as I'm falling again.
Prayer is the only thing the sustains me.
I find love in all the right places.
My coeur, my core, my second self is just on the other side
of this invisible wall. I want to let you in.
I want...to pretend that you don't matter. It never works.
I clasp my hands bowing in my room, realizing the direction life is taking me.
Can you come with me? We seem to be going the same way...
But are we on the same plane?
The last time I held you, I thought that I'd had my fill.
But now I know that's pretty much impossible.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
But the funny part is I want nothing else.
She doesn't even miss me.
We are parting, and I am okay with that.
We are not inseparable, but I was once her rock,
and she was my soft place to fall.
But I am still strong. Holding on to what seems to
be thin air, so thin that if I do not escape,
I will as many others die from lack of oxygen.
Freedom is the air is my lungs.
Carbon dioxide is natural until dominant.
She is the overbearing weight in the pit of my stomach.
I grab at my elastic skin tightly.
Hoping to rip out the part where I swallowed her whole.
She was my sister I never had.
Yet I love her still.
I must go.
Is there any room for me here?
I know there's just one seat left in the back of
this bus. I sat quietly next to you.
Watching your almond eyes flicker with the patches of sunlight
peering in from just beyond the reinforced glass windows.
I can't help myself. It's obvious how necessary you are to me.
I laugh at myself. "I'm doing it again." I chuckle. I guffaw.
I erupt. You notice me. I want to disappear now.
Just relive the moment where our eyes locked in that brief
exchange of fates. I cling to hope. You flee from love. Including
mines. Am I not worth your time?
You return to the same seat near the reinforced windows next to me the next day.
You smile at me. I melt.
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