Humility.

Calming my breathing. Gathering myself. Gathering my motives. Quiet> Listening for guidance.

James 4:8-10, 8 Draw close to God, and he will draw close to YOU. Cleanse YOUR hands, YOU sinners, and purify YOUR hearts, YOU indecisive ones. 9 Give way to misery and mourn and weep. Let YOUR laughter be turned into mourning, and [YOUR] joy into dejection. 10 Humble yourselves in the eyes of Jehovah, and he will exalt YOU

Sometimes, it hurts to admit you are striving after the wind, because it seems like so many can do it so well. But you are way too aware to keep chasing after nothing. I feel so humbled, so aware, and so ready for a change. Smarter thinking, smarter dealings. They deserve more. Jah knows. I have to ask forgiveness this time, I cannot continue to pressure this vein until it bursts, I'd rather slow my steps, and reconfigure my goal.