Decisions, decisions.

and more bloody decisions.

Life is testing me. Like so much that I have to ask myself what for? What the hell does it all mean? Am I getting this or not?

This kid still won't call. Lol the smart sensible side says fuck that kid.
Life has far too many things to offer you. He was a pit stop--a sign in passing if you will.
But apparently nothing for keeps.
I feel if someone is meant to be in my life it wouldn't be so hard to keep them close.
So my vow to myself is to let the chips fall where they may. I have imposed my will--every fiber of my being into this. Insanity yields stupidity. Move the hell on. There's a fork in the road. Let's try going left this time.

My soul is beautiful. I've been reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.
The universe is there to help you. All you have to do is ask and of world of opportunity suddenly is at your doorstep.
Guess I'll take an excerpt.

"When you focus your thoughts on something you want, and you hold that focus, you are in that moment summoning the mightiest power in the Universe. The law of attraction doesn't compute "don't" or "not or "no" or any other words of negation. As you speak words of negation, this is what the law of attraction is receiving:
'I don't want to spill something on this outfit.'
Meaning 'I want to spill something on this outfit and I want to continue spilling more things.'"
(Byrne, 14)

More on that later.

Just a care and share. By the way--the birthday was absolute magic.
I felt it. I still do. And I am 18. I don't care who thinks that age doesn't mean anything.
It definitely means A LOT to me. I feel blessed.