Living Life to the Full.

In a world of epiphanies...I realize,
Growing up (with Jah) isn't so bad.
When I see Ireland, I see myself lost in its splendor.
It moves me, the ancient parts of its culture, its remnants not forgotten are treasures that make my heart skip beats just thinking of standing on such fertile ground. To sleep in a field there would be so soothing. What I like most of all is the sound of flutes native to their land.

Sometimes I imagine I am there, just north of the coastline, with my house higher up in the mountains. I imagine living quietly, with great peace. I imagine the joys of simplicity.
I want nothing more than a warm cozy cottage/cabin on the side of a mountain. I want nothing more than to hold onto the one that created my thinking ability. I dream someday I will sit on the side of mountain, completely calm, in a state of serenity.

I foresee a beautiful life. But what it will take to get there, I am unsure. I just know that half the battles are over. I am not ashamed of this new found love and joy. It is altogether one the highest privileges I have been able to partake, and I am not coming back down.

Here I stand not alone but alive. Who else I will cross paths with I do not know.
If it's you I hope you know my idiosyncrasies.
Just kidding.

O how I love to vent. It is in solitude and I do not miss one thing.

The mind is a terrible to waste, especially on terrible things.-L.K.
-----
Excerpt from my thoughts on romantic love.

"My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres,
Without sharp north, without declining west?
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally;
If our two loves be one, or, thou and I
Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die."--John Donne, "The Good Morrow"

Could you fathom life with someone more than a lover?
A husband even? Such a bone chilling thought.
You know all of your loving capabilities,
and they are not to be wasted on anyone.
When you feel your time is coming,
Pray without letup. Be sure you are clear,
be sure you are right. Be careful of the treacherous heart.
Be wary of falling for the beauty of appearances and the vices of the flesh.
Allow council. Allow patience. Allow dignity...

Bougie Moment.

I need this in my life. Can't wait. MMMMM.

The Death of Childhood Romance.

An excerpt from my entry:

Nonetheless, I enjoyed learning something I didn't realize before.
It's such a baffling thing to comprehend--to love with the eyes and not the head first is to make one's own heart treacherous, and confused. It causes destruction, deception, abuse, loneliness, and heavy consequences. I remember what love was to me before I could take off my rose colored 3-D glasses and before I could have left that dark place where my own emotions took the luxury of running away with me. I let them sweep me off my feet, dazzle me, carry me into a distant land, and leave me washed ashore, talking to someone I hardly knew hoping he would finally, "be the one". I remember him, him, him, and him. I remember the nights I should have spent with friends, I instead spent on dates. I remember when lust turned to drudgery. I remember most of all the joy of letting this deformed view leave my spirit. This desperation I shed like old skin. I remember laughing at myself as I watched the old me wash away. I remember crying because I could not give up trying to be a better me. And I exist in a place where love must be understood, not enigmatic, foggy, or in deceptive. I know who I love, and what it takes to love. I know the feeling is not based on anything other than learning another's soul and what connects the two of us. It is not bitter. It is not proud. It is constant, and not fleeting. It does not change with the seasons. It remains with me all the time...

List of things to Do

from palzoo.net




So, that song is sad, but beautiful and reminiscent of 127 hours. James Franco is a beast.

But you know what...I have a lot of work to do and tonight I realized,
if I live I do live to Jehovah, and if I die, I die to Jehovah.
It kind of doesn't matter where I am, because that doesn't mean I leave him behind.
He is never forgotten, and he is and will always the light to my roadway. Helping me in decision making throughout my life. I laugh inside because I know to so many of you this may sound "religious", but my friends I'm sorry to tell you indeed it is very spiritual. And I am not in the least bit lost because I pray to Jah in all decisions. When I feel lost I pray, and it gets me through so much more than I ever thought it could possibly do.
I love Jah, and that ain't changing. Nuff said there.

Onto other news:
Arranging trip as of now
Kingdom Hall
Airfare
Funds
Clothes
Arrangements

School:
Exams, studying now. Not blogging. Studying. This is my clone typing.
Arrangements for summer courses.
Fix my DELL so I can pop cds in it.

Work:
Project to complete ASAP
Schools to contact
Site to visit

Personal:
:). Will jot in planner.

I love venting.
I love venting here.
I miss my creative side.
It calls me.
I think I may draw James F. tomorrow night.
He's got a lovely bone structure.
:).

Eyelids closed, breath shallow, thoughts refreshing, life--Jah's blessing.

I see this really awesome hiking shoe in my near future. Okay....maybe not this exact one, but this brand. I need and want a real hiking shoe!

I speak in riddles from time to time, but it's alright. The blog is here as way to interact with the world beyond the realm most evident to me. Shayla, I am still tripped out on what your psych prof said about academia and the web. What I am doing right now IS NOT PORNOGRAPHIC. Some of the best learned lessons do not happen in a classroom, so I'm moving on.

I have amazing things on the agenda. Challenges to face at every turn, but everytime one more thing gets done I am reminded that dynamism keeps life fresh. It's so easy to get stuck on the hamster wheel, in a routine world where you become so attached to the familiar that you miss out on life. I will bike soon. Really want to. I really want to run around and fall into the grass smiling up at the sun. But you know something, I really don't like that the seasons are changing super fast. Those of you who follow the weather patterns know what I'm saying. And this transition of seasons is not normal, not for you and me or the animals that have a "mating season" that are trying to reproduce in this odd month that goes against their internal hardwiring. People this is just the beginning of a wave of environmental changes. I just am going to pray a lot. Nothing to do but pray and keep living simply.

Additionally, I am going away this summer. I want to hike the Appalachia. I want to dance on a warm beach. I want to hold a sea turtle in my hands. I want to speak another language with fluency. I want to pray more and grow closer to Jah. I want to dance to a new rhythm. And I will do these things because somehow (through Jah's blessings and free will) I keep doing them. But God I can't wait until the day I can do them with friends again.

For now just stick to your goals. Stick to the list, a good friend of mines says.
If it's not on the list don't worry about it. I'm not worried. I am longing to see you. I can't wait til the day everything is flowing in full again. I love you anyway, even though I can't share all of everything with you. I am longing to be your spiritual support. To inspire you to keep striving, because face it, there is much to be done. You can sit still and watch the world zoom away, or you can ride the wave, and make your mark in your own way.

One way or another, we are in this thing together.

Nothing to do with me loving you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B462-3AhYYk&feature=fvwrel

This unfortunately does not embed, but it is the best sound of J.M. that I have ever had the privilege to listen to. Turns your ears on, and rocks your soul. Too bad. No concerts coming soon. He's not the same anyway.

I don't know you.

I laughed tonight. I learned a ton. I watched my age creep in. I watched us grow distant. I watched my solidarity grow with each inhaling breath. Inside I see myself somewhere else. Inside I wonder if I'm screaming sometimes, but I'm not angry or scared. Maybe not screaming, just seeing how aware of transformation I am. On the surface to you I may look the same. I guess it's because you aren't inside of my body feeling my entire internal hard-wiring reform. I want to be more loving because I love even those I am not close to. And I know it's not unclear. Naivete fades. Truth sets in. I strive towards a better connection with Jah. Jah, you are it. The keeper of my dreams, my life bearer, my father. You keep my head connected to my body, and my heart aligned with truth.

Think back to the days where I blended our lives, struggling to hold on to life without all its complexities. When we stand in front of one another, do we cherish the moment, or do we watch each other from our own private realms?

You see right through nothing. And I see right through this empty feeling. Trying to fill a void that grows with each exhale.You are not mines to hold. I am done crying.

Zambezi River is one of the largest in the world.

And I plan to see it someday.

Hustlin', Hustlin', Hustlin'

Errday I'm...
HUSTLIN'! (X3)

So much goes on each and every week
I am just surprised that I find time to sleep.
It's such a blessing to be able to hold it together.
I just pray to Jah that things only get better.
It's a crazy world, that's so easy to get lost in.
Please Jah help me strive in the right direction.

I have goals and agendas. I am a traveler that knows no bounds.
But I choose to have discipline, because I know the path I choose requires order and simplicity.
I accept the task wholeheartedly, and I type only to remind myself:

I have a purpose, powerful and refined.
I have an agenda to which I am inclined.
I only ask that it be in harmony with my spiritual pursuits.
Sometimes that's hard to think about when things hang so loose.
I am determined to remain patient, fair, focused, loving, wise, and forgiving.
Maybe someday again I will get to share my intimate thoughts with someone.

Thank Jah for a good friend when I am distressed. I know I don't cry alone, or laugh alone, and I don't live alone.

There is a great peace within because there is so much more to self than what the world portrays. My account is not artsy; it is not without necessity.
I claim strength and sanity.
I ask only to let go and forgive.
I ask only for compassion.
And that's just it.