I want.
I need.
Wake up. Slow down.
1. New location
2. Spiritual depth and development
3. Applying to scholarships
4. Applying to schools
4. New job
5. Travel to new lands
6. Be patient with myself. (Be patient with yourself.)
I am able to stay strong and allow my troubles to melt away.
I enjoy helping others and myself. I am open and receptive to all the good
and abundance I experience in Jah's universe. I am able to say what I need to say
and stand for what I believe. I have an amazing job and purpose in this life.
I love children. I eat well and stay healthy, and often make these dishes for others.
I am okay with that. I always have someone to share my experiences with. Those things remain constant in my life.
Selah.
23.12.09
Swim. Sink. Dive. Implode. Exhale.
Listening to Itoshi Hito.
Miyavi's voice is soothing somehow in this mix in my life.
Do you see the difficulty transitioning?
I really am moving out and on.
The crossroads are happening. A magnetic force pulls me in this direction.
Like Frost's poetry.
English is secretly one of my most cherished courses.
The framework is setting.
The clay is molding. I am being pushed, changed,
blended, and carefully set in all the right places.
This is the make of my future.
Somedays I feel lost. I pray.
I want to be strong. I really wish I felt more that way.
My shyness is being stripped, if not beaten out of me.
Childhood melted off of my exoskeletal, introverted mind.
Wipe away those tears. Step off the platform.
Dive. Don't twitch. No time to be afraid.
Execute or fail.
That's how I feel these days.
I typed this in the span of this song.
The acoustic guitar sings to my heart.
Miyavi's voice is soothing somehow in this mix in my life.
Do you see the difficulty transitioning?
I really am moving out and on.
The crossroads are happening. A magnetic force pulls me in this direction.
Like Frost's poetry.
English is secretly one of my most cherished courses.
The framework is setting.
The clay is molding. I am being pushed, changed,
blended, and carefully set in all the right places.
This is the make of my future.
Somedays I feel lost. I pray.
I want to be strong. I really wish I felt more that way.
My shyness is being stripped, if not beaten out of me.
Childhood melted off of my exoskeletal, introverted mind.
Wipe away those tears. Step off the platform.
Dive. Don't twitch. No time to be afraid.
Execute or fail.
That's how I feel these days.
I typed this in the span of this song.
The acoustic guitar sings to my heart.
9.12.09
Penetrating Silence
This is the loudest quiet We have endured.
I grab hold of myself, as I'm falling again.
Prayer is the only thing the sustains me.
I find love in all the right places.
My coeur, my core, my second self is just on the other side
of this invisible wall. I want to let you in.
I want...to pretend that you don't matter. It never works.
I clasp my hands bowing in my room, realizing the direction life is taking me.
Can you come with me? We seem to be going the same way...
But are we on the same plane?
The last time I held you, I thought that I'd had my fill.
But now I know that's pretty much impossible.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
But the funny part is I want nothing else.
She doesn't even miss me.
We are parting, and I am okay with that.
We are not inseparable, but I was once her rock,
and she was my soft place to fall.
But I am still strong. Holding on to what seems to
be thin air, so thin that if I do not escape,
I will as many others die from lack of oxygen.
Freedom is the air is my lungs.
Carbon dioxide is natural until dominant.
She is the overbearing weight in the pit of my stomach.
I grab at my elastic skin tightly.
Hoping to rip out the part where I swallowed her whole.
She was my sister I never had.
Yet I love her still.
I must go.
Is there any room for me here?
I know there's just one seat left in the back of
this bus. I sat quietly next to you.
Watching your almond eyes flicker with the patches of sunlight
peering in from just beyond the reinforced glass windows.
I can't help myself. It's obvious how necessary you are to me.
I laugh at myself. "I'm doing it again." I chuckle. I guffaw.
I erupt. You notice me. I want to disappear now.
Just relive the moment where our eyes locked in that brief
exchange of fates. I cling to hope. You flee from love. Including
mines. Am I not worth your time?
You return to the same seat near the reinforced windows next to me the next day.
You smile at me. I melt.
I grab hold of myself, as I'm falling again.
Prayer is the only thing the sustains me.
I find love in all the right places.
My coeur, my core, my second self is just on the other side
of this invisible wall. I want to let you in.
I want...to pretend that you don't matter. It never works.
I clasp my hands bowing in my room, realizing the direction life is taking me.
Can you come with me? We seem to be going the same way...
But are we on the same plane?
The last time I held you, I thought that I'd had my fill.
But now I know that's pretty much impossible.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
But the funny part is I want nothing else.
She doesn't even miss me.
We are parting, and I am okay with that.
We are not inseparable, but I was once her rock,
and she was my soft place to fall.
But I am still strong. Holding on to what seems to
be thin air, so thin that if I do not escape,
I will as many others die from lack of oxygen.
Freedom is the air is my lungs.
Carbon dioxide is natural until dominant.
She is the overbearing weight in the pit of my stomach.
I grab at my elastic skin tightly.
Hoping to rip out the part where I swallowed her whole.
She was my sister I never had.
Yet I love her still.
I must go.
Is there any room for me here?
I know there's just one seat left in the back of
this bus. I sat quietly next to you.
Watching your almond eyes flicker with the patches of sunlight
peering in from just beyond the reinforced glass windows.
I can't help myself. It's obvious how necessary you are to me.
I laugh at myself. "I'm doing it again." I chuckle. I guffaw.
I erupt. You notice me. I want to disappear now.
Just relive the moment where our eyes locked in that brief
exchange of fates. I cling to hope. You flee from love. Including
mines. Am I not worth your time?
You return to the same seat near the reinforced windows next to me the next day.
You smile at me. I melt.
30.11.09
Illogical
Don't you find it perplexing that none of my blogs really explicitly describe my life?
Everything is often vague, and hinting. However, somehow I consider this blog an online diary, of my life. One that can be accessed by anyone who may arbitrarily stumble into my realm of virtual fixation (harmless addiction)--merely cyberspace, to someday be deleted and therefore extinguished, as if it never was. This lacking permanence and public necessity has convinced me the best personal experiences are written in books. And not in cyberspace. (FYI: I spent months removing my xanga account, and my name and that account still pop up on Google.)
Nothing is desperately escaping my mind to type. I just need to draw, scribble. Listen at open mics, and continue my activism. My environmental participation has yet to reach the level where I do not feel the need to blog any of it.
I'm a lover of literature, so you would think I'd wanna write. There will come a time.
That time is not now. Hibernating. In my little green pea-coat (spellcheck corrected me...), intermediate locks, and herbal addicted mainframe. I am the girl laying in the grass staring up at infinite skies, the lover of social interaction from a distance, the visionary of holistic necessity, and the keeper of your secrets.
It's all in a day's work.
And whisperer of prayers. Can't forget that.
Everything is often vague, and hinting. However, somehow I consider this blog an online diary, of my life. One that can be accessed by anyone who may arbitrarily stumble into my realm of virtual fixation (harmless addiction)--merely cyberspace, to someday be deleted and therefore extinguished, as if it never was. This lacking permanence and public necessity has convinced me the best personal experiences are written in books. And not in cyberspace. (FYI: I spent months removing my xanga account, and my name and that account still pop up on Google.)
Nothing is desperately escaping my mind to type. I just need to draw, scribble. Listen at open mics, and continue my activism. My environmental participation has yet to reach the level where I do not feel the need to blog any of it.
I'm a lover of literature, so you would think I'd wanna write. There will come a time.
That time is not now. Hibernating. In my little green pea-coat (spellcheck corrected me...), intermediate locks, and herbal addicted mainframe. I am the girl laying in the grass staring up at infinite skies, the lover of social interaction from a distance, the visionary of holistic necessity, and the keeper of your secrets.
It's all in a day's work.
And whisperer of prayers. Can't forget that.
14.11.09
Responsible
When I wake up each day I don't think of you any less than the last.You have left the greatest imprints and it weighs on my core like an anchored ship.I cannot lift this. I presume time will provide me with all answers, and meanwhile I press forth without regrets. For I know my feelings are true, they will not go. Some people come in your life, and leave nothing behind, and some people practically leave a piece of themselves. I wish I could run after you and give some of this back. Done forcing myself into people's lives.
Let them come. Because they remain welcome with open arms.
In my dreams, my internal workings are still purging.
I don't know if I could ever want another man. Only Jah could answer that.
For me, relationships have procured a deep thorn, that once pulled causes so much blood to spout forth that only one surgeon could alleviate.
My life does not revolve around my heart, as I continue to love others I internally question will they eventually get to close or ask too much?
These are things I do not wish to answer.
For now, the silent days will whisper healing words that when I listen closely,
I feel at peace.
Let them come. Because they remain welcome with open arms.
In my dreams, my internal workings are still purging.
I don't know if I could ever want another man. Only Jah could answer that.
For me, relationships have procured a deep thorn, that once pulled causes so much blood to spout forth that only one surgeon could alleviate.
My life does not revolve around my heart, as I continue to love others I internally question will they eventually get to close or ask too much?
These are things I do not wish to answer.
For now, the silent days will whisper healing words that when I listen closely,
I feel at peace.
9.11.09
Hungry Remix from Bent is so the most serene melody I've heard in my life.
I run to you. You inspire me to the red of my core.
As I laugh and clutch the dandelion, I close my eyes feeling the sun’s rays wash over my
Coppertone exterior. I am ready for you and all of your warmth.
My body has never felt so in tune with my spirit.
I bite into a smooth spongy sweet substance placed before me.
Blueberries.
Each moment is more precious than the one before it.
You sprinkle cool water down on me as I run for cover, I stop, realizing this is your gift.
No one is here but me and you. And this beautiful earth of course.
I couldn’t imagine life without you here.
Please, always be here. With me.
26.10.09
Out of harmony
Rejection, the affliction.
A disease, my depiction
Of life around the majority
Masses, Jurassic.
Can you just accept that I am only but so elastic?
Never been plastic.
Just knowing what is essential, surrounding
Me.
I fight for nothing more than your support, our freedoms
Free--
Is not as simple as our idolatries.
Touch, me as I out stretch my hand to thee, finally exposing --
All of my flaws and idiosyncrasy…
I crumple inside,
Just like them you too expect something, like porcelain.
I am no more perfect than I have ever been.
But now it seems I am untouchable.
An eruption of pain bursts from my lungs
Asking Jah why must I seek such a man
I expect nothing more than a thank you and perhaps understanding
Infinitely intertwined,
It is at last your turn to do the collapsing.
A disease, my depiction
Of life around the majority
Masses, Jurassic.
Can you just accept that I am only but so elastic?
Never been plastic.
Just knowing what is essential, surrounding
Me.
I fight for nothing more than your support, our freedoms
Free--
Is not as simple as our idolatries.
Touch, me as I out stretch my hand to thee, finally exposing --
All of my flaws and idiosyncrasy…
I crumple inside,
Just like them you too expect something, like porcelain.
I am no more perfect than I have ever been.
But now it seems I am untouchable.
An eruption of pain bursts from my lungs
Asking Jah why must I seek such a man
I expect nothing more than a thank you and perhaps understanding
Infinitely intertwined,
It is at last your turn to do the collapsing.
12.10.09
As usual, homework
As Mas and I sat in the car yesterday, he reminded me of how much I used to write and the power of verbal expression.
Here goes something.
This connection is beyond resurrection
I don't rhyme so don't be fooled, forthat's a misconception.
My best words neither rhyme nor show regression.
They are violitile, erratic, silly, and defy, it's a preference.
So learn the lesson, I have need for depth perception
I am quite beyond your average, your exception, no question.
I missed being in close quarters with you for so long, when I was back in your arms
I only longed to be on my way again.
I must ask Jehovah is there something wrong with me?
It feels like permanence is not in the cards at this moment.
I love you. I love you. I just want to be on my own.
But would you love me if you knew everything about me?
Because in my humble opinion you know nothing.
It is a 10% that I feel is grasped at our stage, and yet still somehow I managed
to give you the deepest part of me. For that, I feel the pang of retribution.
A justice waiting to surface.
Do you feel like I know anything about you?
I feel I have an idea. I see you and then you are gone tommorow.
We live very seperate lives, practically different realms, on opposite
sides of the glass. We steal away fragments in time together,
only to undo what we've redone.
I feel I could stay with you forever, my soul is snatched away again.
Love should not be pressured like this.
Free to be with or without. But for now, I want you to know
I can't stay. I can't lie. Love is patient.
I can wait. Finally.
Here goes something.
This connection is beyond resurrection
I don't rhyme so don't be fooled, forthat's a misconception.
My best words neither rhyme nor show regression.
They are violitile, erratic, silly, and defy, it's a preference.
So learn the lesson, I have need for depth perception
I am quite beyond your average, your exception, no question.
I missed being in close quarters with you for so long, when I was back in your arms
I only longed to be on my way again.
I must ask Jehovah is there something wrong with me?
It feels like permanence is not in the cards at this moment.
I love you. I love you. I just want to be on my own.
But would you love me if you knew everything about me?
Because in my humble opinion you know nothing.
It is a 10% that I feel is grasped at our stage, and yet still somehow I managed
to give you the deepest part of me. For that, I feel the pang of retribution.
A justice waiting to surface.
Do you feel like I know anything about you?
I feel I have an idea. I see you and then you are gone tommorow.
We live very seperate lives, practically different realms, on opposite
sides of the glass. We steal away fragments in time together,
only to undo what we've redone.
I feel I could stay with you forever, my soul is snatched away again.
Love should not be pressured like this.
Free to be with or without. But for now, I want you to know
I can't stay. I can't lie. Love is patient.
I can wait. Finally.
16.9.09
2:22 AM
That's what time it is.
I read 4 of my last entries...watching the gaps betwixt and between.
I really do love myself and my friends.
Growing up is a gradual, but a necessary adaptation.
I'm smiling inside regardless of how often I see my friends, I know I have them,
and they, me.
I'm smiling outside regardless of whether I mesh into what society or my
biological family or socio-stereotypes tell me. I love being black, being intelligent,
building independence, strength, peace of mind, education, and real love all around me.
I'm single, and only giving myself to someone who wants to give me as much as
I want to give them--which is a lot. I am in pursuit of going to Italy, keeping my grades above 3.0 (lmfao never thought I'd say that), a bike, financial stability, and healthy mental physical and spiritual progression.
I've met the right people to put on the road to my dreams. Just keep pushing.
Forever loving Jah, Lord, Allah, Yahweh, I am--I always reflect on the grandeur
that is life and know someone much greater is looking out for all of us.
Don't care if I sound crazy. :)
Je t'aime. Be well. Stay beautiful. Peace be upon us.
-L.K.
I read 4 of my last entries...watching the gaps betwixt and between.
I really do love myself and my friends.
Growing up is a gradual, but a necessary adaptation.
I'm smiling inside regardless of how often I see my friends, I know I have them,
and they, me.
I'm smiling outside regardless of whether I mesh into what society or my
biological family or socio-stereotypes tell me. I love being black, being intelligent,
building independence, strength, peace of mind, education, and real love all around me.
I'm single, and only giving myself to someone who wants to give me as much as
I want to give them--which is a lot. I am in pursuit of going to Italy, keeping my grades above 3.0 (lmfao never thought I'd say that), a bike, financial stability, and healthy mental physical and spiritual progression.
I've met the right people to put on the road to my dreams. Just keep pushing.
Forever loving Jah, Lord, Allah, Yahweh, I am--I always reflect on the grandeur
that is life and know someone much greater is looking out for all of us.
Don't care if I sound crazy. :)
Je t'aime. Be well. Stay beautiful. Peace be upon us.
-L.K.
9.6.09
Finite Tears
The heavy thumping is done.
I could be hurting so bad, but I don't wanna hurt no more.
Don't wanna fuck with that part of me anymore.
It's weird trying to grab at thin air, so I stopped.
With the juxtaposition of your vague disposition and passionate moments to think back to, I see the only way to win my heart is to make me trust you all the way--not so fast. I couldn't even know how much I was holding back (until now), but disappointment gets old after a while. Think my heart is in a cocoon, or coma.
She says she loves you. But she ain't in love with you. You're unreliable, a heartthrob, a sinner, a sweet talker. That's fine, cause she ain't perfect. But she's no fool. And on the inside I'm sure her soul cries at night. Her blank face is tired. But when she dreams she knows just the way she likes it. Pure. Free of indiscrepancy. Finite tears exist under the circumstance. She's got peace that transcends deeper than where all aching (bullshit) can reach. In her last kiss she says she's simply letting go. Master jester watch the crepuscular memories crumble in her hands.
I could be hurting so bad, but I don't wanna hurt no more.
Don't wanna fuck with that part of me anymore.
It's weird trying to grab at thin air, so I stopped.
With the juxtaposition of your vague disposition and passionate moments to think back to, I see the only way to win my heart is to make me trust you all the way--not so fast. I couldn't even know how much I was holding back (until now), but disappointment gets old after a while. Think my heart is in a cocoon, or coma.
She says she loves you. But she ain't in love with you. You're unreliable, a heartthrob, a sinner, a sweet talker. That's fine, cause she ain't perfect. But she's no fool. And on the inside I'm sure her soul cries at night. Her blank face is tired. But when she dreams she knows just the way she likes it. Pure. Free of indiscrepancy. Finite tears exist under the circumstance. She's got peace that transcends deeper than where all aching (bullshit) can reach. In her last kiss she says she's simply letting go. Master jester watch the crepuscular memories crumble in her hands.
3.6.09
A continued work in progress
*deep sigh*
It seems I never have enough time to rant anymore.
It has to be scheduled in between my delectable pancake, sausage, and fruit salad breakfast.
Which may indeed reduce breakfast to pancakes and fruit salad....
O how I love meat. Heh heh.
Read a couple entries back. It's always funny to reflect.
But really, I am changing. Relaxing. Developing a confidence I didn't think would ever exist. As I stride down the streets by myself or with friends I recognize my ability to create impressions, to be beautiful, to walk into another's life. I'm creating new friendships. New ventures. I'm okay with the new found relationship too...
Yeah, a couple months ago there was no one in mind, except I said I could see myself talking to a black guy, but not a poser wanna-be skater boy who's "hood" with no concept of what skating is. Probably someone who's got charisma, intelligence, and is going somewhere. Just maybe the power of thought is more powerful than anything, because sure enough he found his way to me...
This summer I want to accomplish a hell of a lot. In no particular order.
1. TO SWIM--knowing how.
2. ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE DEVELOPMENT--next college, involvement in organizations, networking with environmentalists
3. THE SMOKERY--work, internships, learning culinary techniques
4. RELATIONSHIPS--building my friendships up, my love life, my whole network of people actually...
5. YOGA!!!--wanna do it....stay limber.
6.PAINT--my room...I need to draw a design. Right now I have ideas...I just need a friend who can really help me execute them...
7. EXPERIMENT--New foods, new places on adventures, new people. Nouveau new.
8. SPEED READ--a book a month. Seriously.
9. PARKOURRRRRRRR XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD--practice. climb. jump. fall safetly. basics.
Thatt's about all for now. I must depart and get ready for work.
It helps to plan out what you want. You are more likely to achieve it. Or at least, it works for me.
It seems I never have enough time to rant anymore.
It has to be scheduled in between my delectable pancake, sausage, and fruit salad breakfast.
Which may indeed reduce breakfast to pancakes and fruit salad....
O how I love meat. Heh heh.
Read a couple entries back. It's always funny to reflect.
But really, I am changing. Relaxing. Developing a confidence I didn't think would ever exist. As I stride down the streets by myself or with friends I recognize my ability to create impressions, to be beautiful, to walk into another's life. I'm creating new friendships. New ventures. I'm okay with the new found relationship too...
Yeah, a couple months ago there was no one in mind, except I said I could see myself talking to a black guy, but not a poser wanna-be skater boy who's "hood" with no concept of what skating is. Probably someone who's got charisma, intelligence, and is going somewhere. Just maybe the power of thought is more powerful than anything, because sure enough he found his way to me...
This summer I want to accomplish a hell of a lot. In no particular order.
1. TO SWIM--knowing how.
2. ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE DEVELOPMENT--next college, involvement in organizations, networking with environmentalists
3. THE SMOKERY--work, internships, learning culinary techniques
4. RELATIONSHIPS--building my friendships up, my love life, my whole network of people actually...
5. YOGA!!!--wanna do it....stay limber.
6.PAINT--my room...I need to draw a design. Right now I have ideas...I just need a friend who can really help me execute them...
7. EXPERIMENT--New foods, new places on adventures, new people. Nouveau new.
8. SPEED READ--a book a month. Seriously.
9. PARKOURRRRRRRR XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD--practice. climb. jump. fall safetly. basics.
Thatt's about all for now. I must depart and get ready for work.
It helps to plan out what you want. You are more likely to achieve it. Or at least, it works for me.
17.4.09
Reoccuring R.E.M.
My dreams are floating just above me.
As I lift my shirt over my head to expose the me no one sees I reflect back.
Rewinding time. Remembering when this skin was younger, less experienced.
Tilting my head sideways I stare into the oak wood framed-- hallway mirror.
The time continuum ripple effect occurs in my mind.
I’m seeing a girl much younger now. Smiling.
Clutching her innocence ever so tightly, like a child clinging to her favorite teddy bear.
Skin so tender. Eyes so eager. Bubbly. Beaming. Brimming to overflowing with youth.
The ripple fades.
Who am I becoming?
It is a mystery to even the young woman growing before my eyes.
I shut my visions off for fear of them escaping..
Holding the younger me inside.
I won’t let your dreams go down the drain.
Even as life presses on.
God help us all.
As I lift my shirt over my head to expose the me no one sees I reflect back.
Rewinding time. Remembering when this skin was younger, less experienced.
Tilting my head sideways I stare into the oak wood framed-- hallway mirror.
The time continuum ripple effect occurs in my mind.
I’m seeing a girl much younger now. Smiling.
Clutching her innocence ever so tightly, like a child clinging to her favorite teddy bear.
Skin so tender. Eyes so eager. Bubbly. Beaming. Brimming to overflowing with youth.
The ripple fades.
Who am I becoming?
It is a mystery to even the young woman growing before my eyes.
I shut my visions off for fear of them escaping..
Holding the younger me inside.
I won’t let your dreams go down the drain.
Even as life presses on.
God help us all.
12.4.09
23.3.09
Life is but a dream.
These past few months seemed to have passed like a blur.
But a lot has happened.
Can't wait to go back and read old entries.
But let's not distract from the purpose of this entry.
I've never felt so like I was drowning until yesterday.
Can't relive the same mistakes.
I did something yesterday that can't be reversed.
But--
My heart has never ached so much over anyone like lately.
I want to move forward and go at it alone.
Words of a wise friend taken from a common cliche, "Sometimes you have to let something/one you love go, and it they come back then it was meant to be."
I'm sorry for being so young.
I'm sorry for not being as understanding as I should have.
You deserve better.
One day maybe we can be that for each other.
Sometimes your best bet is to be alone.
Because apparently my sould quest is not done yet.
Stop racing to the future...
When the present is exactly what makes us who we are.
I miss you. I love you. And I'm glad I'm far away, so I can't worry you.
Someday maybe I can treat those I love as they should be...
Until that day...
*hugs self*
I think I'll just work on catching up with friends.
As LSD says, "Romance is overrated."
Lol no one said anything about love.
Call again.
<3 Je t'aime. Ai shiteru. Te amo. I love you.
But a lot has happened.
Can't wait to go back and read old entries.
But let's not distract from the purpose of this entry.
I've never felt so like I was drowning until yesterday.
Can't relive the same mistakes.
I did something yesterday that can't be reversed.
But--
My heart has never ached so much over anyone like lately.
I want to move forward and go at it alone.
Words of a wise friend taken from a common cliche, "Sometimes you have to let something/one you love go, and it they come back then it was meant to be."
I'm sorry for being so young.
I'm sorry for not being as understanding as I should have.
You deserve better.
One day maybe we can be that for each other.
Sometimes your best bet is to be alone.
Because apparently my sould quest is not done yet.
Stop racing to the future...
When the present is exactly what makes us who we are.
I miss you. I love you. And I'm glad I'm far away, so I can't worry you.
Someday maybe I can treat those I love as they should be...
Until that day...
*hugs self*
I think I'll just work on catching up with friends.
As LSD says, "Romance is overrated."
Lol no one said anything about love.
Call again.
<3 Je t'aime. Ai shiteru. Te amo. I love you.
1.2.09
Trial and Error.
Some might think I'm crazy...
Slightly true.
More like commonly misunderstood.
--
Disconnect.
My heart is...really too much for my body.
The inner complexities I sometimes experience--i.e. yesterday to me is even mind baffling.
And yet somehow I expect you to understand me.
Because you are my friend. And friends should be able to...right?
I think I need more air.
When I start getting flustered I search for an escape--a window to the outside.
So my everything can breathe freely.
No, I haven't meditated lately. And I should.
So my soul can breathe as it should.
This disconnect is scaring me.
And my friends too I think.
But what scares me the most is when I feel you slipping away.
Life will do as it pleases.
Will this road carry you with me? Or the currents take you away?
I know...this sounds deep.
But that's how I roll.
Legit.
31.1.09
Inspiration.
This is Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams (making out hardcore).
You know...from le film The Notebook?
Well...just got finished watching it.
And...
They're really together.
Spellbinding.
Is love to me really as simple as breathing?
I aspire to have something so deep.
*sigh*
Well anyway, I'm really here to leave you with a quote.
"The best love is the kind that weakens the soul-- the kind that brings fire to our hearts and peace to our minds."
-Noah, The Notebook
Entitled: The Hope[FULL] Romantic
Slowly peeling away the old skin.
I hope he's long gone.
It's time to grow up and time to move on.
I've found something new,
Yet old and this time I'm sure of what I hold.
Escape is not necessary.
And I am not running, not repeating, not regretting.
This is where that road ends, and a new one beg[a]n.
"It's that kind that I have for you, and the kind I hope to bring to you, forever..."-N.B.
17.1.09
I won't take this moment for granted
It's not cutting the fabric today.All I've got to say is I have goals.
Currently all very immediate.
Like this shirt.
License tomorrow.
Relationship clarity soon -_-.
Getting a job.
Saving and NOT spending.
Just need to break this shell.
This thick, overbearing coat of childhood.
Still smelling coffee.
Serenity, solace, and peace of mind.
Think I'll go meditate.
1.1.09
My Heart's Desire.
So this is life...and I'm glad for it.
2008 is over, hence the dawn of a new chapter...
I guess.
The beginning
-->Spent with Shay and Dean really. Lol he was definitely there at midnight in spirit. <3
But on this day I realize so much. The little things I once wrapped my mind around are no longer important. I'm not interested, nor do I dwell on silly things. One thing I will give the psychic s that I have over analyzed. I need to let go more. Enjoy each moment, but not dissect it. Peace of highest importance in my life.
I have a moment to share.
Here I am on the bus stop, toes frost bitten. I just left Shayla.
Waiting. Wondering. There I realized this is life. I'm waking up.
This is your life. Take control. Stop letting things happen to you.
Ask questions. Get on the next damn bus. Lol. You'll get home.
Then I wander around trying to find a place to piss in the middle of the city...on New Years...
End up calling home. I ask for a ride. Freezing my f***ing toes off....
My dad doesn't want a damn thing to do with helping me.
He's rude...but I guess he had a point.
I found a cozy Nepalese/Indian restaurant.
This feels so relaxing.
I ordered alone. Waited for my folks.
They arrive. I grab my amazing dumplings and leave.
Minutes later...
"You need to act like you're 18. Take on your own cell phone bill. Do some shit for yourself.
Get a real job. And find your own way home. I ain't gonna be doing this shit for you for the rest of your life. I won't be there. "
I'm a daddy's girl. And sensitive. Guess on the inside my heart kinda broke again...
I know better. And I want to leave here badly...
Lol guess that's motivation.
My goal, my destination this year is to reach far beyond the minimal.
Don't just take what is handed to you. Go after what you want. Make life happen. Don't hold your feelings in. Spread the love. Kiss deeper. Laugh louder. Play harder. Release everything. Change is what makes life, life. Remember, guys will be there. Make TIME for what your really want. Remember temptation. Enjoy youth, but never act foolishly. Make each moment count. Passionately. Intensely. Always reflect.
I love you more than ever. I love myself more than ever. I am more beautiful than I ever was.
Wisdom is sexy. Spirituality is sexy. Carpe diem is my true fetish. Hence each day is better than the day before it.
FIN.
2008 is over, hence the dawn of a new chapter...
I guess.
The beginning
-->Spent with Shay and Dean really. Lol he was definitely there at midnight in spirit. <3
But on this day I realize so much. The little things I once wrapped my mind around are no longer important. I'm not interested, nor do I dwell on silly things. One thing I will give the psychic s that I have over analyzed. I need to let go more. Enjoy each moment, but not dissect it. Peace of highest importance in my life.
I have a moment to share.
Here I am on the bus stop, toes frost bitten. I just left Shayla.
Waiting. Wondering. There I realized this is life. I'm waking up.
This is your life. Take control. Stop letting things happen to you.
Ask questions. Get on the next damn bus. Lol. You'll get home.
Then I wander around trying to find a place to piss in the middle of the city...on New Years...
End up calling home. I ask for a ride. Freezing my f***ing toes off....
My dad doesn't want a damn thing to do with helping me.
He's rude...but I guess he had a point.
I found a cozy Nepalese/Indian restaurant.
This feels so relaxing.
I ordered alone. Waited for my folks.
They arrive. I grab my amazing dumplings and leave.
Minutes later...
"You need to act like you're 18. Take on your own cell phone bill. Do some shit for yourself.
Get a real job. And find your own way home. I ain't gonna be doing this shit for you for the rest of your life. I won't be there. "
I'm a daddy's girl. And sensitive. Guess on the inside my heart kinda broke again...
I know better. And I want to leave here badly...
Lol guess that's motivation.
My goal, my destination this year is to reach far beyond the minimal.
Don't just take what is handed to you. Go after what you want. Make life happen. Don't hold your feelings in. Spread the love. Kiss deeper. Laugh louder. Play harder. Release everything. Change is what makes life, life. Remember, guys will be there. Make TIME for what your really want. Remember temptation. Enjoy youth, but never act foolishly. Make each moment count. Passionately. Intensely. Always reflect.
I love you more than ever. I love myself more than ever. I am more beautiful than I ever was.
Wisdom is sexy. Spirituality is sexy. Carpe diem is my true fetish. Hence each day is better than the day before it.
FIN.
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